The Alley: Entry into the new world

I sit in front of a fan and contemplate. There is a multitude of thoughts crawling through my head. I want to attend to each one of them at once. But I fail in the end to attend to even a single one: chaos, chaos.

I see a nice girl with cropped hair. When I was a little, my eldest sister’s friends met me. I found them grown up as if they are in some zone of life where I haven’t reached yet. When I look at this girl, I get the same sensation, even though I might be older than the girl at present.

I might have changed from one side of a coin to another. But, some of the things I do haven’t changed much. They seem to be at the root level still.

I find myself in the most critical time of my life; a time in one’s life when you are neither young nor an adult. When nothing seems to make sense, and nobody seems to understand you. I should spend this time with people just my age, neither young nor adult. They say, “Don’t suppress emotions”. Will a person in a different mental state understand your observations and thoughts? I don’t think so. What’s of value to you might be waste for the other.

I dreamt last night, and then the continuation of the dream was this noon. It’s as if I stopped writing yesterday and started again today from the same point I left off.

Soon it will be winter, and this sultry and humid weather will be gone. The commence of the winter will be marked by its distinctive smell, like burning wood mixed with the cold, breaking through your nostrils.

My room shares three doors with the adjoining rooms. When all these doors are shut, it forms a small alley. At night there is total darkness in this alley, and it creates a void. This void is my entry into a new world, a world where nothing exists for a split second.

The road less travelled by

It is funny how any sudden visible or invisible thing can bring back memories from the past, just like a flash. An old red building just did it right now. The flash is not even for a second, and you relive everything in that split second.

I saw a face, and I looked back in time through his face to see all his look-alikes in the past.

The path dissecting from the main path ahead of me reminds me of the “the road less travelled by”.

I once overlooked a pair which seemed like getting along nicely. Now, I find them in a different setting.

I just realized that I sometimes tend to force away from the true identity of things even when they are crystal clear in front of me.

I sometimes feel that I was robbed of something important from me once. The robbery was so stealthy that I didn’t even realize what was robbed. But, I could feel it over the years.

I find myself seeking nature to return it to me. When trees are near, I find myself complete.